The Obnoxious Bride’s Guide to Offending Bridesmaids

One Obnoxious Bride

I am sure that many of you have heard of the bride who went all totalitarian on her bridesmaids recently. Unfortunately, this is more common than you might think. While, most brides aren’t this bad, many brides do things that are a lot more subtle. Many others offend their bridesmaids without intending to and don’t even realize it.

But, for those of you who want to be bridezillas, here is how you can offend all your bridesmaids and ensure that they won’t want anything do with you after your wedding.

Do Act Like You Are Doing Them A Favor

Sad bridesmaid
Photo by “pandameixiang”

You are the center of the event after all. Isn’t it a privilege to be your bridesmaid? I mean they get to do your hair, send you gifts, wear the dresses that you picked out, give you pedicures, and all sorts of other fun stuff. Why wouldn’t they want to do that?

Don’t Treat Them Like They Are Appreciated

What is so hard about being a bridesmaid? Make sure to never say “Thank you” for anything. Never treat them to dinner, but make sure they attend every party or get together that you set. If they miss one thing, then they don’t deserve to be your bridesmaids. Never send cards of appreciation because it is all about you anyway. And while you are throwing parties leading up to your event, never make one of them a bridesmaids’ appreciation party.

Do Use A Condescending Tone

Why should you use your valuable energy being nice. After all, the florist just messed up your centerpieces and you need someone to take it out on. Plus, you babysitted for one of your bridesmaids once. She owes you eternally now.

Don’t Speak To Them Like Human Beings

Never use phrases like “I appreciate what you are doing” or “That is a great idea.” Those phrases are overdone and so cliche.

Do Expect Them To Meet Every One Of Your Demands

Bridesmaids are there to do your bidding. Think of them as magic genies. Your wishes are their commands! Never let them miss a rehearsal and make sure they mark every event leading up to your wedding on their calendars. Better yet, go to their houses in person and write it on their calendars for them. Make sure they respond to every email you send them and copy you on every email that they send to each other. You need to make sure they aren’t talking bad about you behind your back if you are going to be a true obnoxious bride. And make sure you email them daily to make sure they make room in their schedules for all of your plans.

Don’t Take Any Aspect Of Their Lives Into Consideration

Never ask them ahead of time what their plans may be. They can’t go vacation until after your wedding. They need to be at your beck and call 24/7. Never mind that your wedding is still nine months away. You may need them to come over at anytime and help you pick a hairstyle or to help you figure out how to make that DIY project look right.

Do Expect Them To Make Budget Cuts

This is for you. True friends will make any sacrifice necessary. So what if they have to take a second job to finance being your bridesmaid. That’s what friends do!

Don’t Ask Their Input Into Anything

No one knows how your wedding should be better than you. Your wedding planner and your bridesmaids are there just to say yes to everything you like. If you ask how something looks on you, they are supposed to tell you how brilliant you are and how stunning you look. They are not there to give you an honest opinion. Whose ideas are better than your own?

So There You Have It

I hope that you enjoyed The Obnoxious Bride’s Guide To Offending Bridesmaids. I sincerely hope that you won’t really use it. Please girls, treat everyone involved in your wedding with love and respect. Your special day involves some very special people.